Since Meghan has started getting seizures, it has been nothing but ups and downs. It has gotten better, she is definitely improving everyday over these past 17 months since her set back. But a part of me still feels really heartbroken at times.
I know that I should count my blessings and be thankful that she has a really good chance of outgrowing them. I know that I should be thankful that she is just delayed and not disabled. I know that I should be thankful that she won't remember everything that she has gone through. But yet I sit and cry at times. Why I ask myself...is it because she's not talking like her other 2 year old friends, is it because she doesn't know how to jump, or sing along to the "itsy bitsy spider" and do the hand movements, or that she is just about a year behind developmentally. I do know for a fact that she is HAPPY, she has FUN, and most of all she is LOVED and gives the best LOVE. Nothing else should matter but yet I find myself in these pity parties, looking at my friends children with a twinge of sadness because Meghan "can't do that" yet.
Even if Meghan will always be challenged with developmental delay's, I just need to grab on to her love and happiness because that is what truly matters. God trusted me with this precious gift. He chose ME to be her mommy and I will not let her down. I have a lot to learn from Meghan. Her strength and determination is amazing. She will teach me how to pull from that strength and rise above. Some days are harder than others.
OK...so my party of pity is over! I will stand up straight, hold my head high, grab my martini and power on through. Wish me luck!
9 months ago