Take Me Out To The Ball Game

When it comes to MLB...we may disagree.

But when you bring it home, and bring it Triple-A, we are right on!!

I had the wonderful opportunity to take Elizabeth, her BFF H, and my wonderful sis, Kim, to a River Cats game.

You see, Kim and I are seasoned River Cats attendees!

This, however, was Elizabeth's very first ever sports event. Her bestie H, had been before, and helped me pump Elizabeth up for all the exciting goodies the game brings!!!

Kim, myself and Elizabeth

Elizabeth, her bestie H, and their pink mini bats and claws!!

I think her smile says it all!

The Highlights:
1$ Hot Dog and Dessert night
Dinner for three only cost me $12 bucks
The tickets were free
We could actually see the game and could have actually caught a ball
I had a sister date
The Seventh-Inning Stretch
Those sitting next to us were not unruly
A certain 8 and 6 year old smiled constantly ear to ear
Oh...and the River Cats won

The Hurts:
A large Popcorn and two waters had cost more than dinner
I had to buy a mitt because I was afraid that a foul ball would viciously hit us in the head (well, me at least)
It took an inning and a half for my sister to get us drinks (alcoholic of course)
The ATM machines were down...see above
Nobody started the Wave (um...isn't this a baseball must??)
Elizabeth cried the WHOLE way to the car because she was cold

Pink mitt...of course :)

How cool is the Tower Bridge in the background of Raley Field!!

Just a night view

This was...one of my best nights...EVER!!!

LOL...my hubbs in an engineer at this building so I kept texting him all night about seeing smoke, lighting issues, broken windows...you name it, I irritated him ;)

Back to School

Well the girls have been back in school for 13 days now...not that I'm counting! Both, LOVE it! Maybe not so much the work, but the new clothes, backpack, lunch boxes, folders, school lunches (gross), and most of all...their friends!

Elizabeth FINALLY got excited for the start of school! OMG...second grade!! The Friday before school we found out who her teacher was. She got the teacher she really wanted so I was very happy for her. She has about half her friends in her class, but she can at least see and play with them at recess.

I got a little nervous at back to school night. They expect so much out of them in the second grade. Honestly, waaaaay back when I was in the second grade, I think we were still coloring by numbers.

First and Second grades, the school day is broken up into Early and Late Birds. Early Birds are for the less strong readers while your Late Birds are your more experienced readers. I was bummed. She placed as an Early Bird again. We worked hard this summer going to the library, reading regularly at night. I know she is young. While most of her classmates are, and have been for sometime, 7...she will be 7 toward the end of October. I did start her early, so I know that plays a hand in it.

I admit, I am an over achiever and I expect the same with Elizabeth. She, not so much. So, most of our nights doing homework end up in all around tears. I don't know how to be stern with her, and get her to understand the importance of completely understanding her work without tears and major frustration on both our parts. Oh well.

First pic - day 1 of homework, the next two - day 2

Meghan seems to like school to. She is going to preschool this year. It is the same one that she started when she turned 3 in March. Finally, she is getting on her schedule where she is not completely falling apart in the morning when we wake her up. Because she goes to this special education preschool, and she has to have her rescue seizure medication on hand, she gets picked up and dropped off everyday by bus. yes, a little yellow bus again! She is one of the first kiddos to get picked up, so she leaves at 7:20 AM!!! So much for overly using the snooze button! She is home usually by 11:10 or so!

Matt and I went to her back to school night as well. She has The.Best.Teacher.EVER!!! She wanted us to bring Meghan and Elizabeth for that fact with us at back to school night. Obviously her back to school night is not as formal as Elizabeth's was, but I was like, seriously! She really loves the kids. Really loves them which is so amazing to know as a mom.

Meghan is one of four kids in her class. She is the only girl!! Ms. Marilu, her amazing tearcher, shared with us that she loves to play teacher when she is there. She grabs the teacher stick and will point to the different pictures on the wall demanding the attention of the others. She even goes up to the kids and will use her sign language for them to sit down. Hmm...little miss bossy, wonder where she gets that from!!

I wasn't able to get a pic of Meghan getting on the bus, but there she is driving off to school!

Wishing everyone a happy beggining to school! 

Catching Up

Oh my goodness...where does time go?? February is halfway over...yikes. Life in our household has been normal for the most part...i.e. CRAZY! But we have all grown accustomed to living that way I guess.

We have had my nephew visiting us for the past 6 weeks. He lives down in Pismo with my sister and niece. It was awesome having him here. I love him, I miss him and I feel that we had a chance to get caught up in life. When I moved to Sacramento 12 years ago, he was only 11 years old. And having only brief visits during that time left little chance to really hang out and reconnect.

Matt has been on call at work since Jan 1 and will be until the end of March. I feel bad for him because during this time he is averaging about 55 to 60 hours a week. BUT, I love Love LOVE the overtime checks. Did I mention that I love the overtime checks!!!!! It totally lets me shop pay bills with less stress!

Elizabeth is doing GREAT in school. We just had her conference with her teacher and I am so proud to say that she brought up her reading score from below grade level, to achieving grade level. We have worked so hard on this goal. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears have gone into this (well maybe not so much the blood). On Monday's and Wednesday's she goes to her friends house and does homework with him and his momma. She LOVES going over there and has done so much better on her most recent math tests!! Tuesday's, I get off from work, pick her up and we head to the library. We sit and do her homework there then pick out books to read for the week. I'm trying to think of different things to do with her to keep her homework time as fresh and fun as possible. Cirriculum these days are not what they used to be!! Pretty much 90% of her math homework is word problems. Seriously, for a 1st grader, from day 1, word problems. At the beginning of the year she couldn't even read the problems! A couple weeks ago she had a math problem that I literally attempted to figure out using algebra. Seriously, and guess what....I wasn't the only parent to do this!! This math problem taught me two things. One, look at it from a 1st graders point of view, or basically Keep It Simple Stupid (me!!!), and two, I suck and retained nothing of Algebra. When that homework comes home, I will gladly be paying a tutor to help her out!!



Meghan has been, well, bored, cranky, content, mischevious...you name it, she has been that recently! For the most part, she has been super healthy, although she does have a virus right now but so far it's not too bad (Elizabeth had it over the weekend and shared). Her seizures seem to be under control and I hope and pray everyday that they stay that way. My mom and I have really been working with her on putting puzzles together and identifying objects in books. She LOVES her books and pointing out different items. She loves learning and her brain is really absorbing it ALL! I think that is why she has been getting into trouble a lot lately. She is getting in to EVERYTHING, and she knows it! She is just so bored! I can't wait for the flu season to die down so we can get her out and do more things.



With her bordem comes the opportunity to play mess with her sister. You see, when Meghan does something that makes Elizabeth mad, Elizabeth FREAKS the FREAK out!! Her reaction to Meghan just gives Meghan all the more reason to do it again and again and again. I've tried to tell her not to react like she does. But nope, everytime, in her super hight pitched, loud and most whiny voice "Nooooooo Megggghhaannn. Stop it. Mom, Meghans bothering me". So not entertaining for us adults in the household, but Meghan LOVES this!!! For the peace of the household, I really hope that someday Elizabeth will take my advice!

Some serious hair pulling above



As for me, what have I been doing! Really, what have I been doing?? Well, Elizabeth not only shared her virus with Meghan, but I think she also shared it with me. So now I am a bit under the weather. Sore throat, headache and some bodyaches, but so far, Motrin is helping out! But really, you know what...my life is boring!! Working full time and coming home to a cranky two year old, 1st grade homework, dinner, baths, reading, snuggle time, and bedtime leaves little time for me. But that's OK, it just makes the that I do get for myself all the more special. Oooohhhh....this weekend, Matt and I are having a date night!! Now folks, this is rare!! Dinner and a movie is on the agenda and I am as giddy as a school girl about this! It's our Valentine's dinner/present to each other <3

Oh...and btw...I'm so totally addicted to this website, erincondren.com. I WANT everything!!! Keep up the OT Matt....muah!!!!

Starting The Year Over

OK, well, January...not so great. In fact, January SUCKED. So I will NOT be counting January into my year. Nope! Sorry January, you LOSE! As the clock strikes midnight on Jan 31, 2011 and we embark on to Feb 1, 2011...my year will begin!

I know technically this does not change anything, but hey, it makes me feel better. So everything that I had mentioned previously holds true...beginning Feb 1!!!!

These past couple weeks have been super busy! Last weekend I headed back home, to Pismo Beach, for my friends funeral. I still can't believe what has happened. Lots of tears and hugs that day. Melinda was just beautiful, all around beautiful.

Ugh....the struggles with Meghan. Her seizures are still under control, but we are still dealing with teething (2 year molars). This leads to one unhappy, sleep deprived, all around cranky parents child.We finally got around to converting her bed from the crib to a toddler bed since she was continuously climbing out...although more graceful since the first time!Well with this new found freedom she has, she feels that she can take it upon herself to get up at 2:00 am to watch a bit of TV, and seriously protest when made to go back to bed. Hello dear Meghan...you are only 2 years old!

Elizabeth! Minus her serious attitude that she has developed...hello dear Elizabeth...you are only 6 years old...she is doing really good! I actually see improvement with her reading! Thank you God!!!! She did however, lose some ground in Math. So being the type A mom that I am, she goes to a math group, at school, four days a week before school starts. And two days a week she stays after for reading group!! AND, on those two days, she goes over to do friends house and do homework with him! For the first time in months, I feel like she just might make it to 2nd grade (Yes I stress).

Snow Day

I've have lived in Sacramento for 12 years now...12 years! Since my move up here, I can count on one hand how many times I have been to the snow. Sadly, the snow is only an hour away. AND, what is even more sad...in the past 7 years...I have gone zero...0...times. So with that said...Elizabeth, who is now 6, has never been to the snow. I tried last year, when it was so cold and rained...well "snowed" (it stuck for 10 minutes)...tried to pass it off to Elizabeth as going to the snow. That so did not work! So as summer was coming to a close, as school shopping was in full swing, I saw a great price on snow boots! I snatched a pair up for both Elizabeth and Meghan fully knowing if I buy the shoes, then we MUST go!!! A simple call to a friend provided us with snow clothes (only for Elizabeth and Meghan), 2 sleds, and a disk sled! Matt, my mom, the girls and I piled in the truck yesterday and headed east. Where we were going...no clue!!! First we would find the snow, then we would find the park!! Awesome friend A suggested we go to Yuba Gap, a road sign said to stop at Soda Springs, but my hungry tummy had us stop at Nyack. Nyack had this huge parking lot with this huge play area!!! So that is where we ended up!!!

The girls absolutely LOVED the snow!!! As a mom...it was one of the happiest moments of my mom life!! Going up in the truck, Elizabeth and I formed a snow ball alliance...we were suppose to be on one team...but the minute she set foot on the snow...it was every man for themselves! Meghan...she found a nice comfortable patch...in which mommy made sure there was only "white" colored snow...and she ate and ate!

There was awesome little hills to sled down. An already started snowman, and a cool little snow cave! PERFECT day! The irony in this little snow trip is we had to go to the snow for the sunny warm weather as Sacramento has been nothing but foggy drizzly weather for the past two weeks! Just to keep things in perspective...I managed to successfully lock the keys in the truck. HUGE shout out to AAA roadside...they were there within 20 minutes. Love them! AND hubby wasn't too mad at me, although he questions why I ever put the keys on the dash!

In light of this past week, yesterday was so perfect and much needed! It is the first of many family days to come!!

                                                                Ready for the road trip

                                                                         Snow or bust

                                                                   First time snow bunnies

                                                        Happy Meg...not so happy E

                                                                      Hello happy E

                                                                  Loving the snow

                                           Loving eating the snow (it's white snow..no worries)

                                                                       E's first snow ball

                                                                    Fantastic babysitter

 

Attempting a snow angel...I think

                                                 Yes he pushed her..she coulda got hurt

                                              Yes...I pushed her and..No..she didn't get hurt

                                                    Meg and the already started snowman

                                                                  Cheesy snow pic

The snow cave...so awesome

                                                Yep...she sure knows how to throw the looks

                                                                            Snow ride

                                                          Personal touches to the snowman

Just Say'n

Odd resemblance...right????

This one wants to kill you

This one wants to kiss you

Oh how I love Meghan kisses *hearts*

Good Bye Freedom

It has happened folks. The last straw is gone. The only peace we had in knowing that our toddler was fully confined in a humanistic way. Yes...our world just turned a different direction the same exact time that Meghan probably dumped on her head. She can now independently escape from her crib.

Now I use terms such as "probably dumped on her head" and "independently WITHOUT the use of effectively" for a couple reasons. 1) Moments after I put her to bed, I heard the hurt cry. Moms, dads, the.hurt.cry. I thought maybe she got her leg stuck in the slats of the crib. But before I knew it...here she comes barreling down the hall! 2) I've seen this child climb. She got a trampoline for Christmas (mainly for therapy reasons than fun). It's awesome. It has a bar on it to stabilize her while she jumps. Well, she likes to pull herself over the bar, and head first over the couch safely landing on the cushions (this is not part of her therapy...I guess this would be the fun part).

Thinking how the railing of the crib is much like the bar on the trampoline, she more than likely pulled herself on up, only to drop perilously to the floor and not softly on to the couch cushions.  OK, with lots of love and some ice cream, she calmed down and we tried it again. Successfully this time, no escaping, no dumping, no tears (but with a boat load of pillows on the floor to break her fall just in case). See, if this wasn't Meghan, I would say that she learned her lesson and will either not do it again for a long time, or adjust her dismount in a way that wont hurt so bad. But no...Meghan does not comprehend danger...she likes to take risks...she actually probably thought the fall was fun until the landing.

No worries, we have a convertible bed. Pop the front off that bad boy and viola...we have a toddler day bed. But I fear the toddler bed. There is no stopping her. Oh the visions of Supernanny where they put the kid to bed time after time after time after hour after hour are floating in my head. Mark my words, Meghan will be that child. So with great regret (mainly towards the trampoline), we will be converting her crib tonight to a toddler bed, we will be searching on demand for past episodes of Supernanny, and we may just have an extra drink in anticipation of what our "new bedtime process" will look like.

On a lighter note...I do call this progress. HELLO...development before our eyes. So yeah I do regret losing the ability to confine her, but she is growing AND developing into a big girl. I will toast to that!

Christmas

What an amazing Christmas this year was. First off...I went in with a totally different attitude. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, Life's Wham's, Christmas isn't about all the presents or the money spent. It's about the peace, love and joy by being surrounded by family and friends. This year...my most favorite gift of all was the visit by my sister and niece. My nephew was suppose to come with them, but unfortunately he got snowed in. So Christmas will continue in my heart when he comes to visit!

My sister, Kristi, lives down in Pismo Beach with my niece and nephew. She is a workaholic and not too big on road trips. Unfortunately, since Meghan started having seizures, we have not felt comfortable enough to travel with her. I guess I'm afraid to be away from home, our doctors, our hospital just in case something happened. So, thinking back, I think it has been about 2 years since I saw Kristi!

On Christmas eve, I had the day off. Elizabeth and I set off to run some errands and drop by one of my besties house. FYI...she has one of the cutest babies ever! Elizabeth was not feeling too well. She came down with a cold a couple days prior and was not her happy go lucky self. Unfortunately, I lead to some of her pain. I have ear cleanliness OCD. I can't stand looking into kids ears and see nothing but gross, yellow wax. The best way for me to clean ears is with a Q-tip. I know, I know...anything smaller than your elbow should not be put in your ears...sue me, I USE Q-TIPS! Well, I'm guessing, with Elizabeth's cold, maybe her ear drums were a little swollen. So, I ended up puncturing BOTH her ear drums. So, I gave her some antibiotic ear drops, left over from ear tube surgeries, and hoped and prayed I did not have to take her to the doctor (I knew a lecture would be coming). After we got home, I finished wrapping presents and prepped for Christmas. We started a Christmas morning tradition last year of making a breakfast casserole the night before so we can just pop it in the oven the next morning. Super easy. I made the casserole and homemade coffee cake for that night. That evening my sister and niece came into town, and my other sister, Kim, who lives about 20 minutes away ("on the other side of the river"), her husband, and my other two nephews came over. We opened up some presents and just enjoyed each other to the fullest. We got my mom a photo memory book of her and all of us growing up. She LOVED it. And all of us sharing those memories, priceless! Finally the girls went to bed, Santa and his helpers put presents together, and then we passed out sometime early Christmas morning!

Christmas morning, the girls slept in. YES...they slept in. At about 8 we rolled out of bed to see what Santa had brought. Nothing can warm your heart faster than watching pure excitement come across your children's face. I relished in their joy, and once they were over the initial excitement, it was on to the presents. Luckily, the presents between Elizabeth and Meghan ended up being exactly even. Not that I count, but I have a certain 6 year old that does and it would be total meltdown if a certain 2 year old walked away with more (I've tried to explain monetary/quality vs. quantity...but hey, she is only 6). After that, the in laws came over and we had more presents to unwrap. At this point, I was pretty stressed...toooooo  much disarray in my living room....and kitchen! We had a really quite afternoon of playing and cleaning. That evening we headed to my sisters house for dinner. Luckily, my sister and I married into the same family, so we have one big family function instead of running all over the greater Sacramento area! A few hours later, two very exhausted parents, and two very cranky kids headed home to pass out in bed. Got the kids in bed, took a bath, and lights out for me.

Elizabeth loving her Santa pile

Santa brought Meghan a Yo Gabba Gabba toy...that's all she needed

The next morning we all met up for breakfast. My sister was headed back home, so we had one more get together then it was off to shop. Talk about score! We needed a new couch bad. Ours was falling apart and it was irreparable. Many stores later, we found the perfect couch that we both LOVED!! My sister...love her...was seeking a new table. Now the cool thing is we LOVE her table. Them, not so much. So if they happened upon a new table at the right price they liked, then we got the old one. AND they did!!!! By that night, we were the proud owners of a new table and couch. Also...another big item for the house...Matt got a fish tank. We agreed on a 90 gallon, but it fits perfect in our living room. Yeah for the kids getting older, which means the toys get smaller!!!

Kristi and I

Sisters <3 Kim, Kristi and me - Kerri (notice a pattern!)

What a year 2010 has been. It has had it ups and downs, inside outs, and many times, we didn't know which way was forward. 2010 brought a lot of heartache where three very amazing people became beautiful angels in Heaven! Two I never had the honor of meeting and one I worked closely with over the past several years. BUT all three of them changed me...for the better...and with a new outlook...I look forward to charging into 2011 with the best attitude I have ever had!

For all of you, be safe this New Years eve, have fun, give your loved ones an extra special hug, and say a prayer for those who aren't here to celebrate the new year <3

I Became A Mother 6 Years Ago Today

My baby is 6 today!! Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

Taking on the job of motherhood was an enormouse change for me. I was married, owned my home, had an exceptional job...but it still turned me over and pretty much dumped me on my head. I struggled with motherhood at 28 even with the love and support of a husband. I want to recognize, hug, shout out, put it on the biggest billboard ever that all you single mothers and or fathers out there, you all are amazing. I am in awe of the strength that each of you carry everyday!! God Bless you all!!

Parenting...hands down...the hardest job in the world. But when they curl up in your lap at the end of the day or give you those big bear hugs and tell you they love you...it's moments like these that make every gray hair and wrinkle worth it!

I love you Elizabeth!!! Happy Birthday gurlfriend :)

The Past 6 Weeks

Oh my goodness...where has the time gone. We have been in a whirlwind of busyness over these past 5 to 6 weeks. Seeing how I took 3 weeks off of work, one would think I should have been able to post an update blog earlier...FAIL!!! So here we go...

The Biopsy
Meghan had her Bilateral Burr-hole Brain Biopsy (that's the official terminology) on Aug 6! This biopsy was going to give us the answer on whether or not she has Rasmussen's or some other form of Encephalitis. Needless to say Matt and I were scared to death for this biopsy. After all, they were going in and taking brain tissue on both sides of my daughters head. The Neuro-Surgeon stated that the right side of her brain looked great! Thank goodness for that. However, he did say that the left side looked very abnormal with a completely different coloring and texture (we sorta knew that with since that is where the damage is). Well after she awoke from her anaesthesia, she was good to go. She was still the same Meghan that we went in with...phew! Well she was missing a couple patches of hair and had some gross looking scars, but she was great. Twenty-four hours later we headed home!!!

Meghan pre-biopsy at 5am!


Meghan during recovery. She actually launched herself forward and hit her head against the bars. Of course...my child less than an hour after brain surgery hits her head!


Looks like we removed her horns instead of giving her a brain biopsy...LOL!



The Waiting
Her biopsy was on a Friday and we were told we would get the results by the following Friday. Luckily, Elizabeth went back to school in which I busied myself with that and doing odds and ends around the house. If I didn't have that to keep my busy, I would have gone CRAZY. SO...Friday rolls around, the 1 week mark, and no call. I picked up the phone and called the Neurologists office! I was told that our Neurologist is out of town and will not return until the following Wednesday!! WHAT!! The receptionist could see that the results were in but there was nobody in the office that I could talk to at that time to get them. Grrr, I was sooo not happy. How dare they go on vacation when I am sitting on pins and needles. So once again...I busied myself through the weekend and tried not to think about it too much...yeah right!

The Call
Monday morning came, I got Elizabeth off to school, came home, and cleaned my kitchen. I walked in my room and saw I had a missed call and a voicemail from the Neurologists office on my cell phone. My heart totally stopped. With shaky fingers I called my voicemail. Our Neurologists Nurse Practitioner called to discuss the results of the biopsy so give her a call back. I HATE PHONE TAG. So I frantically call the office and tell the receptionist that I just missed a call from the NP and had to talk to her right then. Well, she was with a patient but would call when she was done. I'm such a total dork that I told the receptionist that I was going to sit there with my phone in hand and wait for the call...LOL...like she cared. The phone rings, the caller ID said Sutter Neuro...it was time!

The Results
The office nurse called me back as the NP was still busy and she didn't want me to wait any longer for the news...I guess the receptionist did tell them I was sitting there with my phone in hand...Love her!!! She starts going through all the mumble-jumble- over-my-head-medical-neurological-jargon that was in the report. I wanted to tell her so bad to just get to the damn point (sorry-I was totally stressed though). While I'm completely hanging on to each and every word she says (half of which was pointless because I did not comprehend) I hear her say: based on the tissue that was received from the biopsy there is no evidence of any type of Encephalitis in which the diagnosis of Rasmussen's in NEGATIVE. What, really, it's negative...no Rasmussen's...WOOHOO!! She then goes on to state that the abnormal tissue that was taken from the left side is a result of damage quite likely due to prolonged seizure activity. There is no underlying disease or illness that lead to the damage. Can you say that I did this crazy insane happy dance! Finally tears of joy!!!

The Follow-Up Appointment
We went into this appointment on cloud 9! Where ever the road will take us, it is much more brighter than the Rasmussen's road. Well, Neurologists have a way of taking the wind out of your sails. He pretty much has no idea what is wrong. He said that he is going to ask around (the country with other neurologists) to see what diagnoses are out there that resembles Rasmussen's but it is not that. In the mean time, he wants us to start the steroid injections to see how her seizures will react.

The Shots
I was really surprised how well Meghan tolerated the injections. We bought this cream called "Emla Cream" that we put on her leg 40 minutes before we give her the shot that numbs the surface and a few layers below. We keep the cream in place with these Tegaderm patches (expensive little things, but thanks to Ebay, I can get them cheap cheap cheap). The worst part of this process for Meghan is holding her to do the shot. In fact, when we are done with the shot, she sits down on the floor, looks at her leg and giggles. She also hates getting her blood pressure done. This has to be done on a daily basis and usually takes anywhere from 3 to 10 tries to get her to hold still. We have found that if you give her candy while doing this, she will tolerate it better. Probably not the healthiest for her, but for our sanity, it works :) Well, since we do the shots nightly, and the type of steroids they are, she needs to be seen every week by the Neurologist. Since starting the shots, her seizures have decreased to maybe 2 or 3 a day (from maybe 5 to 10 a day). Two weeks after starting the shots (9/7), he did another EEG. He wasn't impressed at all. However, over these last 2 weeks Meghan has engaged more socially with laughing. She will laugh at the T.V. and get really excited. This is new, but it is also appropriate for her age...so it is kinda like which came first, the Chicken or the Egg. So, by reporting this to our Neurologist, he is going to give the steroids 2 more weeks and do another EEG on 9/21. If at that time then he will pull the shots and think of something else to do.

1 full week of Steroids!

2 full weeks of Steroids

3 full weeks of Steroids


Family Matters
It has been an ongoing crazy roller coaster this past month in a half or so. It has been very stressful for Matt and I. My mom and his parents have been there faithfully which is a blessing and Elizabeth just goes with it. Having 3 weeks off was great, but I found it so hard to be a stay at home mom and really missed work actually. So the day to day routine is something such as: get up, get ready, get Elizabeth up and ready, drop her off at school, go to work, come home, dinner (if my mom doesn't do it - Thank you mom :)) homework with Elizabeth, shots, bath's, medication, and finally snuggle time on the couch. If I make it to bed without falling asleep on the couch, it is a huge accomplishment! Some day's go smoother than other's, and some day's just end up in tears...all around.

Like I have said before, this is not the life I had dreamt up. It does not fit with the plan that I had. Letting go of the HAD is the hardest part, but holding on to it hurts the most. I so envy every one's vacations, their happy healthy bounding children, there seemingly smooth life...ugh, I can go on...but it doesn't change my situation. And I know there are other situations way worse than mine and my heart goes out to them. What ever the future holds, I will absolutely do the best that I can, and try so hard to keep my head up and the thoughts positive. There will be tears, oh so many more, but all I can do is push forward.

I hope I can be half the mother as she is the daughter to me. I love her so!


**I really did not mean to get all emotional, but I guess I'm just on a down slope right now**

I will talk to you all soon...way sooner than last time I promise :)


Hugs to everyone!!!

A Mommy After Work

So many day's a week I just want to come home from work, sit on the couch, relax, and watch TV. In my mind I hope the girls, well at least Elizabeth, are tired and want to hang out with me on the couch. More times than not I hear "Mommy, can we go outside." Quickly I search our guide on the TV for a recent showing of Icarly. Of course, during the week, they are all re-runs (darn Nickelodeon). It would be so easy to tell her, "It's too windy", "It's too cold", "It's too...whatever". I'm good...I could convince her that the "Malcolm in the Middle" on the TV is new, and she would totally settle for that!

BUT...before I know it, both E and M, will be out with their friends and/or boyfriends, and I will wish we were outside playing. So I will always treasure the moments when I'm running with the girls outside...no matter how tired I am!

Happy Easter

Easter will always be so very special to me! Meghan was born Easter 2008. After a long excruciating 54 minutes of labor and the extensive pushing for 1 minute and 45 seconds, my little bundle came out at exactly about the same time the ham did!

So, I do have easy labors, and in fact I didn't realize that I was even in labor. I managed to make my green bean caserole and while it was baking I rested on the couch. I did have cramping but nothing bad at all. So, Matt pulled the casserole out of the oven for me and asked if we wanted to go have dinner (at his parents) first, or stop by the hospital to get checked out. Well it is a darn good thing we opted for the hospital first, as Meghan would have either been born at my in-laws, or on the side of Hwy 50!

Needless to say every year I get nominated to make green bean casserole, and I can't help but relive Easter 2008! I got the best darn Easter present ever!!